Reflections and this week’s topic!

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[description: a group of transmasculine bois smile for a selfie. they range in age, race and style. all of them are defiantly joyful]

Previously at Toolbox…. (hehe)

Joy and masculinity. What do happy men (masculine identified people) look like? As many of us navigate masculinity, it seems that the range of emotions men are allowed to express is limited. Anger is understandable, and even encouraged, though there are limitations for men of color. Ambition. Stoicism. Keep your voice low and loud. Not high-pitched. Don’t get excited, but if you do, it can only be around hypermasculine things: sports and sex.

But what about joy? What about elation? What about playfulness?

As folks who were assigned female at birth, many of us were told to smile more while we moved through the world being perceived (by other and/or ourselves) as women. Now, many of us have our smiles policed. Smiles makes us gay, which some of us may be, or a pervert. Because #MasculinitySoFragile, right? So why can’t men/masculine folks express joy freely? Many of us expressed a certain pressure to conform to the hypermasculine expectations now placed on us to fit in. Or to pass more safely. To not have our identities questioned.

Many of us imagine a world where we don’t have to relinquish our expressions to be affirmed in our masculinity. So let’s be #joyfulbois! Let’s smile! Let’s giggle! Let’s bare our teeth in elation! Let’s liberate our emotions! We enjoy the idea of interrupting the narrative of masculinity. Let’s be #joyfulbois together!


This Thursday! We will be talking about pleasure. Pleasure! How do you experience it? How do you give it? Where do you experience it on your body? Join us if you can!

Jaden and Destin

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Toolbox Sex Toy Reflection and Next Discussion

[image description: two photos of a group of fly bois. they range in race, expression, ability, and style. the photo on the left, the expressions are sexy. the photo on the right, the expressions are playful.]

CW: mentions of genitalia associated with being assigned female at birth.

Toys! Toys are a big part of sex for some us, but are we being safe? That was the framing for this talk.

This talk brought in new folks to Toolbox (thanks Buck!), which was extremely exciting. While the conversation started with folks sharing stories about their first sex toys, things ventured toward unpacking the misogyny in the manufacturing of toys. We talked about how most toys and lube aren’t made with vaginas in mind. Some lube is actually harmful for vaginas, so its important to pay attention to the ingredients (no parabens or glycerin/glycerol/glycol, since they can contribute to yeast infections and UTIs).

Buck, then showed us sample toys he’s gotten from conventions.

And of course, the Buck Off (which sounds fun and will be available this month)!

buck-off

[image description: a black sex toy for transmen. package says, “Perfect Fit Buck-Off Official Buck Angel FTM Stroker]

Resources

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[image description: a resource list of favorite toys and lube. it reads: sliquid lube (vegan and organic), lelo (purple vibrator), Perfect Fit Douche (The Director) – for anal play, bad dragon (furry-focused), buck-off ftm stroker]

As well as this Trans Guide to Safer Sex!

All in all, it was a great time! For more info about sexual health and sex, especially for gay transmen/masculine folks, check out: GRUNT (NSFW).


AND be sure to join us this week (Thursday, September 8th) for a discussion about masculinity and expressions of joy!

In solidarity,

 

Jaden and Destin